And furthermore

All right, so apparently the John Lewis situation is only temporary. Sort of. It’ll still be on the fourth floor next to all the kiddie stuff [shudder], and well, still on the fourth floor [groan], but there will be more space. Okay.
There is still one huge problem. It is, and will remain, right next to the fabric department.
I can see how this would be considered an advantage, for most. There is an undeniable logic to it. I really wouldn’t mind so much… if only I could sew.
I’ve often tried. I own a sewing machine (admittedly it’s 20 years old, but still a game old thing). Periodically I vow a vow of earnest determination, that I will Quell the Sewing Beast. After all, it would be so very useful to be able to make the clothes I want, rather than what the shops decree I may have. And… it can’t be that hard, surely? Plenty of people tell me how easy it is. Everyone in my family can do it. (Even my dad.) But it always ends in tears.
The sewing machines, they hates me. The patterns, they mock. It starts to go wrong at about the time I pick up the scissors, and the thing is, once you’ve cut, you’re committed. It’s not like knitting — lovely, forgiving knitting — where you can commit a hundred errors, rip it out, start again and have a gentlewoman’s agreement with the yarn never to speak of it again. It’s all hard. And there’s the machine thing (I don’t dig knitting machines much either). I like handwork. The key point being “hand”. Gentle, friendly, pleasing. None of this aggressive whirrrrr and snarrrrrrl. (The snarrrrrrl part may not be familiar to you, but that’s probably because the sewing machines don’t hates you. Only me.)
So over the years, I should have learned my lesson, yes? But I’m a stubborn wench. I keep thinking I can beat this thing. The only way to avoid the heartache (okay, it’s more like “rabid screaming frustration” than “heartache”, but let’s continue to pretend I’m a lady) is to avoid all temptation and look not upon anything that could revive those foolish seamstress ambitions.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
John Lewis has such lovely fabrics…

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