Ravellings

Wailing and gnashing of teeth – a knitter’s lament

[Open letter to John Lewis]
Dear Person in Charge,
There is a little known cult in London, bonded by our shared devotion to the twin gods of Colour and Texture. We have but few places to worship, and John Lewis on Oxford Street has long been home to our chief temple. We come from afar to prostrate ourselves at your altar; we sneak in during our lunch hours, or take an “accidental” detour while shopping for chinaware, to experience the Divine Blessing that Noro, and Rowan, and Debbie Bliss can bestow. We take communion, and we leave in a state of exaltation; hearts pounding, senses in bliss. And we spread the word at our separate gatherings, in Islington, and Ealing, and Greenwich.
But now, there is fear and loathing among us. Rumours of persecution abound. Can it be true? Has Haberdashery been moved to the fourth floor, and the glorious display of the gods rendered dismal and cramped? Is the hallowed hush of our sacred place despoiled by shrieking from the infants’ department? Alas, it is so!
Give us hope. Tell us this change is as temporary as the grass. Rebuild our temple and let the faithful serve freely once more, before we poke our pointy sticks into our eyes to assuage the agony. You don’t want that on your conscience. Or your carpets.
Yours in mortification,
Robynn Weldon

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6 thoughts on “Wailing and gnashing of teeth – a knitter’s lament

  1. Ah the insidious persecution spreads! JL moved the haberdashery in Newcastle too. I remember a time when it covered nearly half the ground floor. Then it became smaller, then they moved it to the farthest corner of the 1st floor, and made it smaller again. Just as knitting got bigger and continues to grow. Silly John Lewis.

  2. Oh, dear. Can Liverpool be far behind? I am told JL is moving to an entirely new building one of these days, and I fear for haberdashery. It’s already bad enough that they don’t stock Noro. I am panic-stricken, since JL is my main crackhouse.

  3. Silly John Lewis indeed! The only explanation I can figure is that they are losing market share as new shops open up (eg Loop and Stash). But really. Is hardly the way to fight back!

  4. I’ve trundled up to the fourth floor a couple of times now. It looks to me like there isn’t as much space at a foolish time when knitters are even more demanding.

  5. Granted that I hate the new location, the thing I mind the most is not even it being placed right in the middle of the kiddies’ floor, when having to get the lift to reach it. Such a waste of precious (knitting) time!

  6. Oh dear, is it really that bad? I haven’t been into London for so long I only remember the ground floor location. Bah Humbug to them.

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